My Acceptance

Inspired by Balanced Chaos blog by Aimee

' Prophetic Daughter Hood' it's a group chat my mum , sister and I have, I'm not particularly sure of how those words came together but that is what we named it. The bond I have with them has taught me so many things about true love in its sincerest form , this of course was before I had my encounter with God and I was shown love in its purest form. Anyways, my mum - Everyone loves their mum and there is no question that I love mine, but one thing I know is that everyone would love my mum , that is if you have the great honour of meeting her in person. She is sweetness in human form and her heart - Oh her heart has always been after God even when life broke her.

My sister on the other hand, like every sibling relationship didn't always look like the blueband advert- haha this is for my Kenyans - you remember those adverts on citizen where the mum is making a sandwich with blueband for the kids and they are laughing as they get ready for school and playing with each other ha!- that was always what I thought a relationship with your sister would look like. Anyways, my point is our relationship never looked like that advert we fought and for some time we didn't even like each other. In hindsight God was calling us to our own individual journeys with Him because now as believers of Christ trying everyday to be more in His image - God in His grace has blessed us with a bond that is truly of His doing. My sister is my soulmate and I have always said it - they is no one who knows me like my sister, no one more patient with me and no one who can cuss me out when I refuse to leave the delusion in my head..... with love of course ha!

Why am I talking about them? I will try my level best not to sound poetic as my cousin has told me I have a tendency to. Negative thinking has been my mountain my whole life , it has often held me back, left me stuck , confused and at times despaired. And in those moments where I struggled and felt exhausted this bond with these two women has held me up, reminded me of who I am in Christ and pushed me to walk in the divine favour that comes with being a child of God. Let me speak candidly, I probably will never truly stop running to negative thinking , I will probably have to always seek God's word and comfort to soothe me and will probably in the future require a partner to constantly assure me that I am okay and I will be fine. These are very hard statements to make and even as I sit in the living room staring at the backyard - I feel so exposed putting these truths on paper. To admit my greatest fault, to submit to an understanding that I will probably be climbing this mountain forever, to truly understand that I am always going to need God's mercy and finally to admit that I can't fix it . I have to stop here because I feel like I can't breathe- this is truly my greatest ache and diffidence.

It is an acceptance of a constant NEED. I am always going to need God🤍 (don't know why this still shocks me), I am always going to need my mum, I am always going to need my sister and finally I am always going to need to remind myself 'Stacey you are okay and you will be fine'. Okay now if your still with me all hope is not lost, they is so much power in the vulnerability of this acceptance. I don't feel the pressure of the mask, the one we put on everyday to make sure no one can see the heart we try so hard to hide- its so funny to me cause when I think about it, the parts that we try so hard to hide are the same parts the God enjoys and loves to dwell in. Now this acceptance is not by any means to paint me as this over clinging, insecure mummy's girl ha!, what this is - is hopefully a less poetic , more raw example of what I am. Just a girl after God's heart trying everyday not to be broken, crushed or overwhelmed by the world that crucified her saviour.

What is your acceptance today?

Penzi tele,

Stacey Wambui.